The Filipino Therapist

Either I am a therapist or Filipino. I cannot be both…

I have heard it more than once.

"You're too serious."

The comment is usually delivered with a laugh, a smile, or as a gentle jab. Sometimes it's meant as encouragement. Sometimes it's meant to lighten the mood. But over time, I have found myself wondering if those words are actually a way of avoiding conversations that deserve to be taken seriously.

Here's the irony: I love to laugh.

I enjoy joking with friends, celebrating milestones, dancing at Filipino gatherings, and sharing meals that somehow always last longer than planned. Joy is deeply woven into who I am. It is also deeply woven into Filipino culture. We are resilient people who often survive through humor, hospitality, and togetherness.

But does every moment call for laughter?

As both a therapist and a Filipino American, I often feel caught between two worlds. One world has trained me to lean into discomfort—to ask difficult questions, sit with painful emotions, and resist the urge to immediately "fix" or minimize suffering. The other world, at times, has taught me that harmony is preserved by avoiding conflict, changing the subject, or making a joke before things become too uncomfortable.

Sometimes it feels like the unspoken expectation is this:

Either be the fun Filipino... or be the therapist. You cannot be both.

Why?

Why can't I laugh until my stomach hurts and still ask meaningful questions?